Ive always liked the thought of a life lived in the extreme. I think it's beautiful to push yourself to the absolute maximum and exist in a way that's different from everyone else. But unfortunately, im not some autistic loser (debatable actually) who goes all out on some bullshit like isolating or climbing a fucking mountain. I wish i could. But I still have earthly tethers that hold me in my banal menial life. I live in a house. Sit at a computer screen. I go to support groups and therapy. I manifest extremes in fucked up BORING ways. It's impressive how skilled i am at taking something so unbelievably normal. Mundane. And turning it into mental illness.
How can I be the MOST bored possible, or maybe how can I be the least bored. Fast for 2/3rds of your life. Cut out processed foods, meat, no salt, low cholesterol, fuck it, why not try a fodmap exclusion diet and go gluten free. Exercise x amount of minutes every day and do 3 sets of 12 reps of every muscle group every 2 days. Meditate daily, its good for your anxiety. Go outside for 20 minutes but not longer because the UV damage will set in. Squat while you brush your teeth and shower every single day. I hear HIIT increases growth hormone, I wonder how this will interact with the Will Powers hormone therapy method to maximise my breast growth. I should probably reduce my carbohydrate intake and eat more fibre and protein. but not too much protein because there's been a spike in colorectal cancer in young people. Staring at a wall maximises attention span right? I'm going for a world record in the number of times one person has deleted and reinstalled and deleted instagram from their phone. I read on the bus and train and try and navigate without google maps to preserve my spatial memory. I turned the volume of my music blasting through my headphones down because mid-life hearing loss is one of the biggest risk factors for dementia. Did you know that once you hit 65 a bmi >25 actually improves lifespan? I'll have to adjust my diet accordingly when I hit that age. But no fast foods still. the calories dense, preservative laden foods cant be good for me. I can feel it inhibit BDNF and autophagy. I had to switch my facial cleanser recently. I read an article that said the brand I used had carcinogenic compounds in it. I wonder if that would kill me earlier than the stress on my cardiovascular system of feeling ugly in myself would. Maybe therapy can lengthen my lifespan by helping me worry less. Sleep helps with my heart and my anxiety too. Sleep is important but I cant sleep. Melatonin helps and is a potent antioxidant. But that one meta-analysis showed melatonin increased the risk of cardiovascular disease. Is that correlation or causation? I still can't sleep. Should I be worried about second hand smoke? probably not, the highway i live next to is probably much worse for me. I need to move out and to a place that has less pollution. If I wasn't a fag I would donate blood to get rid of the microplastics in my body. Too bad, but maybe I can lie on the form. Does PrEP have long term impacts on longevity? I hear that vegetarians are at a higher risk of lung cancer because of the pesticides that are used in growing fruits and vegetables bought at the supermarket. I should start rinsing all the produce I buy to reduce that risk. Are phytoestrogens in my soy milk feminising me? i hope so. Women have a lower all cause mortality and tend to live longer. Although as a woman, am I going to get breast cancer and need a mastectomy? It runs in my family, on my dad's side. I hope not, I hear every surgical procedure causes an increase in aging due to the release of cortisol and adrenaline. I wonder if that CT scan I had when I was 20 will give me brain cancer some day. One in 1000 trans people who get FFS will get brain cancer as a result of pre-op planning. let me roll a d1000 quickly to see if im feeling lucky. I still need to sleep. My heart will Explode in 40 years if I dont get my sleep under control.
Goodnight.